min'cellanea

這篇算是硬生出來的吧！這麼說是因為最近比較忙，之前的研究計畫快死了，現在換個方法在趕新的實驗，加上要在接下來的幾個月裡思考及準備未來的方向，畢業或是繼續唸下去，所以趕著唸很多 papers，沒什麼心情寫遊記，也就是 "not in the right mood of blogging"。從溫哥華回來後說實在也沒寫什麼東西出來，遊記沒有(好啦也是因為到現在都還沒裝 Photoshop，可能要等哪天需要修圖的時候才跟老闆借 CD 片來裝，但那不知道是什麼時候了我想)，這篇早該要寫的拖到現在，考慮是不是要停 blog 一陣子，所以接下來可能會很少更新。

這本是延續我想利用早上吃早餐的那段時間看英文小說的習慣，雖然這本看完了之後最近也沒時間看新的.... 總之，這本很好看，英文版也不難讀，有興趣的可以直接看英文的。

故事主要是講一對父母 Brian 和 Sara 及他們的三個兒女為了器官移植的心路歷程，二女兒 Kate 出生後不久就被診斷出有血癌，偏偏大兒子 Jesse 的骨髓配對不合，所以又生了小女兒 Anna 來救她姊姊。原本只是要用 Anna 的臍帶血而已，但隨著 Kate 病情一次次的發作，Brian 和 Sara 要求 Anna 捐贈的東西就越來越多，之後需要捐淋巴球，接著要骨髓，到最後變成要十三歲的她捐一顆腎臟給姊姊，只因為她們沒辦法看著 Kate 死掉，而 Kate 也從原本不被看好活過五歲而活到了十五歲。

Jesse，身為老大卻因為父母忙於照顧 Kate 而常常忽略他，對他來講 Anna 至少參與在 Kate 治療中，而他似乎什麼都不是因為什麼忙也幫不上，因此常常做些違法事情想引起父母注意。在他十歲的時候，他為了母親因為 Kate 而忘了答應他的事而鬧脾氣時，媽媽生氣的對他說：

"I'd think that since you're ten, you might be able to grow up enough to realize that the whole world doesn't always revolve around you."

而他也很生氣的回母親說："Yeah, right, she's sick. Why don't you grow up? Why don't you figure out that the world doesn't revolve around her?" (Sara & Jesse, p166)

Anna，十三歲，覺得父母忽視她的感覺和想法，沒有問過她的意見就要她捐這捐那給姊姊，她不是不愛姊姊，但她也希望有人能聽聽她的想法，所以在她父母希望她捐腎臟出來的時候決定雇用律師 Campell 來告她的父母。Sara 知道此事後對 Anna 很生氣，覺得她沒有站在她這邊，跟她有一樣想救 Kate 的心情，Brian 於是對她說，並沒有什麼哪一邊，大家都是在一起的，Anna 躺在父親的懷裡，想對他說：

"There are always sides. There is always a winner, and a loser. For every person who gets, there's someone who must give." (Anna, p58)

(看到這一段整個飆淚阿，哈哈。)

在最後的法庭上 Sara 的自白裡說，她並不是不愛 Jesse 和 Anna，身為母親的她對孩子的愛是一樣的，但是她無法看著 Kate 就這樣死掉，如果今天是發生在 Anna 身上，她也會要 Kate 做同樣的事救 Anna。而 Brian 從她要求 Anna 捐腎臟開始就覺得這樣怪怪的，似乎不應該對 Anna 做這種要求，於是在 Anna 訴諸法律的時候，盡力地支持她的決定，但最後他也承認，他跟 Sara 同樣沒辦法就這樣看 Kate 死掉，心裡其實也是希望 Anna 能夠捐腎臟的。

作者把故事分很多小篇，每篇分別用每個人物的第一人稱手法來描述他們對整件事的心路歷程，整個內心戲很強，看了很有感觸，沒有絕對的對錯，每個人都有每個人自己的考量和無奈的地方，不過結局讓我有點錯愕，感覺好像從頭到尾白忙一場。

心得就先就到這邊吧。(沒當下寫現在就有點過期的感覺，等以後有心情的時候再補充吧。)


以下是摘句。


"You know how every now and then, you have a moment where your whole life stretches out ahead of you like a forked road, and even as you choose one gritty path you've got your eyes on the other the whole time, certain that you're making a mistake?"  (Campbell, p21)

"People think they know what they're getting, and they're always wrong." (Jesse, p93)

"The really amazing thing about all this is no matter what you believe, it took some doing to get from a point where there was nothing, to a point where all the right neurons fire and pop so that we can make decisions. More amazing is how even though that's become second nature, we all still manage to screw it up." (Anna, p249)

"That maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of where we least expect it." (Anna, 307)

"It doesn't take a whole long life to realize that what we deserve to have, we rarely get." (Jesse, p326)

"Change isn't always for the worst; the shell that forms around a piece of sand looks to some people like an irritation, and to others, like a pearl." (Sara, p350)

"When you don't know where you're headed, you find places no one else would ever think to explore." (Sara, p351)

"Life sometimes gets so bogged down in the details, you forget you are living it." (Sara, p352)

"We have synchronized our watches, studied our calendars, existed in minutes, and completely forgotten to step back and see what we've accomplished." (Sara, p352)

"Well, sometimes to get what you want the most, you have to do what you want the least." (Julia, p368)

"Thing don't always look as they seem. Some stars, for example, look like bright pinholes, but when you get them pegged under a microscope you find you're looking at a globular cluster -- a million stars that, to us, presents as a single entity." (Brian, p382)

"See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded." (Kate, p422)